Personal Note: On Being Quiet, and Coming Back

A short, audio-only episode. No research breakdown this time — just a few honest things I wanted to say before getting back into the swing of things.

Some of you noticed the gaps in the feed over the last couple of years. This is a brief check-in about why, what I'm bringing back with me, and what's coming up next. It's also for the autistic listeners who have been through hard things at the hands of people who were supposed to love you. You're a big part of the reason this show exists.

The next regular research episode will be along soon. Thank you for sticking around.

If anything in this episode resonates and you want to reach out, you can write to me or send an audio or video recording to otherautism@gmail.com.

Theme music: "Everything Feels New" by Evgeny Bardyuzha.

All episodes written and produced by Kristen Hovet.

Send in your questions or thoughts via audio or video recording for a chance to be featured on the show! Email your audio or video clips to otherautism@gmail.com through WeTransfer.

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The views, opinions, and experiences shared by guests on this podcast are their own and do not necessarily reflect those of the host or production team. The content is intended for informational purposes only and should not be taken as medical or professional advice. Please consult with a qualified healthcare provider before making any decisions related to your health, fitness, or wellness. 

Transcript

Kristen Hovet (00:00)
If you tuned in for episode 48, you got a full one, a deep dive into research on autism and extremism, and we'll have plenty more of those kinds of episodes coming up. But before I keep going with the podcast scheduling, I want to say a few things I didn't say in episode 48 because it didn't feel quite right yet for me. And the longer I leave these things unsaid, the heavier they are to carry. So this is going to be a really short episode, just a few minutes, kind of calling it a check-in of sorts. Some of you have been with the show for a long time, some of you since the day it began, and you noticed that there was a stretch where new episodes got sparse. I don't owe anyone an itemized account of where I went, so I'm not going to give one, but I do want to acknowledge it because pretending it didn't happen would feel weird. The last two years were the hardest years of my life. Some of the things that happened, I chose for myself, specifically moving, having surgery, leaving situations that were no longer safe for me to stay in. Some of the things that I went through were done to me completely beyond my choice in the matter by people who should not have done them. I'm not going to go into the specifics on this podcast, ⁓ and some of it I'm still actively healing from, and it will take a long time until that healing journey is concluded.

If I ever talk about any of it in detail, it'll be in its own space when I've decided the material is mine to put on the record. What I can tell you is that during the worst of it, I was barely doing anything but surviving in those moments, and that's okay. Here's what I want you to know. The show was something I held onto, even when I couldn't actively work on it. The emails some of you sent during the quiet stretches, the messages, the recordings, the listeners who said, take your time, we'll be here when you come back — those mattered more than I can really explain. If you were one of those people, thank you. You helped keep the lights on. I also want to say something to the autistic people in the audience who have been through hard things, especially hard things at the hands of people who were supposed to love you.

The patterns I started recognizing in my own life over the last two years are patterns I've talked about on this show, usually in the abstract. It turns out the abstract version and the lived version are different. I mean, I knew that intellectually. I know it differently now. I know it kind of on a cellular level. If you're somewhere in the middle of figuring out that something that happened to you was not okay, or that someone you loved was not safe for you, I see you.

I'm walking alongside you. The clarity comes slowly and then all at once. And the part where you have to actually do something about it is the hardest part. I won't tell you it gets easier because that's a thing people say when they want you to feel better. I will tell you that the version of you on the other side is worth what it costs to make it through to that side. Moving on, here's the practical part: the show is back, as you've seen. I'm going to keep doing what I've always done here. Take autistic experience seriously. Read research carefully. Talk about the things the mainstream conversation gets wrong about autistic folks. There's a lot of new research worth covering and I have a long list of episodes I'm excited to make. I'm not going to commit to a strict posting schedule because I've learned the hard way that promising consistency is a great way to make yourself feel terrible.

Episodes will come out as they come out. If you're subscribed in a podcast app, you'll get them. If you want to follow more closely, you can find me on social media. However, I'm definitely more quiet on social media these days. And as always, if anything in any episode raises a question for you or you want to share something from your own experience, either just with me or sharing it for listeners, you can let me know. You can reach out in writing or send me an audio or video recording, whatever is easiest for you. You can email me at otherautism@gmail.com. That's all one word, otherautism@gmail.com. I read and listen to everything that comes in. Thank you for sticking around. Thank you for your patience. Thank you for being the kind of audience that lets a podcast be made by an actual person with an actual life of ups and downs.

Well, that's all I have for you today. Thank you so much for being here. Until next time, bye.